Filtrace myšlenek numero uno

14. october 2016 at 23:52
Myslím, že je na čase si to všechno srovnat v hlavě jedním prostým článkem bez přetvářky, úprav, prostě volnej proud naprosto zbytečnejch myšlenek.
Zkrátka si potřebuju urovnat celé ty štosy záležitostí posledních dní, aby se jednoho krásného dne nezhroutily a s nimi i já.

Tímto vás vítám u článku, který vás ničím neobohatí, nezlepší vám život a nic vám nedá, TAK TO PLS NEČTĚTE, DÍK. ALE VYDRŽTE JEŠTĚ. Jen malý dotázek než půjdete zas pryč, pokud máte magické schopnosti a vyznáte se v nastavení designu na doméně blogspotu, ozvěte se, mám menší trable, děkuji uctivě.

V této části už není potřeba pokračovat, nic se nedozvíte. V posledních dnech zažívám menší krizi. Nevím čím to může být, na zklamání jsem zvyklá už vlastně od doby co jsem vytáhla paty ven z baráku a tím pádem i náruče mých milovaných rodičů a prvně okusila přítomnost jiných osob, a to ve školce. Jenže to odbočuju. Sama sebe se ptám: Jde lidem vůbec pozorumět? Lze chápat lidské konání? Všechny ty pohnutky, chemické reakce v mozku a jiné bláboly vedoucí k jejich následnému chování? Co proboha způsobuje, že my lidé, jsme občas takové svině? Odkud se vzala zloba? Je snad zakořeněna někde v nás a jen čeká na příležitost se projevit? Nebo je to tím, že svět byl zkrátka vždycky zlé místo a tak jsme se jen přizpůsobili? Chci to vědět, protože už nechci bejt oběť zlosti. A to ani své vlastní. Hroutím se pokaždé když vnitřek mého těla začne vřít a já pociťuji ten ohavný pocit, který mě ničí. Je to jako kdyby mě docela ovládal, jako by bylo opravdu nutné si tímhle projít. Dává nám vůbec dnešní společnost na výběr být dobří či zlí? Mám pocit, že abychom přežili, musíme býti zlí. Ptám se znovu a znovu: PROČ?!

To ale není to, co jsem chtěla řešit. Víte co mě sere? Pouštět si lidi k tělu a pak stejně skončit sám. Takhle to přece fungovat nemá ne? V životě mě už opustilo tolik lidí a já se vždycky snažím zjistit co dělám špatně, jenže na nic nemůžu přijít. Vždycky jsem jednala co nejvíc v zájmu ostatních, jenže pak se spálila a slíbila si, že budu myslet i na sebe. A tak jsem byla čím dál tím odtažitější a introvertnější, ale zkrátka má slabost jsou lidé, u kterých si vytvořím domněnku, že mi rozumí. Pak otevírám svoje nitro čím dál tím víc, až jednoho krásného dne se na těch určitých lidech stanu závislá, stanou se součástí mého života a je zle. Protože přesně v tu chvíli, kdy se na někoho upnu (a vím, že to je špatně!), mě ten člověk prostě opustí. Opustí bez jediného slova, pohledu, vysvětlení. Já a vztahy s ostatními, to je nekončící problém. Na jednu stranu si slibuju, že už se na nikoho nebudu upínat, svěřovat se mu, jenže pak je tu druhá strana, která potřebuje někoho, někoho kdo se mnou zůstane i v těch horších časech.

A tak no, myšlenky plují dál, ale jsem unavená a už se mi pletou písmenka, zítra dávaj Pottera a bude zas plno práce, tak se na to chci vyspat
 


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